


If you show me your snake I’ll charm it for you…

by oddegg



Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-14
Updated: 2010-09-14
Packaged: 2017-10-12 02:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/119946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddegg/pseuds/oddegg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck gets up close and personal with Kurt and his Diva.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you show me your snake I’ll charm it for you…

**Author's Note:**

> This was for an anon prompt [here](http://community.livejournal.com/puckurt/401627.html?thread=14435803#t14435803).
> 
> AND!!! Go and look at the pretty that the wonderful and amazing [](http://fearfullt.livejournal.com/profile)[**fearfullt**](http://fearfullt.livejournal.com/) was wonderful enough to do for me!! [HERE](http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q299/zombie_cat/snake.jpg)!! and in colour [HERE](http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q299/zombie_cat/snake02.jpg)!!

For ages Puck had thought Finn was talking in euphemisms about his sort-of-step brother.

 _“Oh, Kurt’ll be out of his room in a minute. He’s just got to feed the diva”_

“Shit, bro. Kurt had the diva out last night. I nearly crapped myself”

“No way! We can’t go down to Kurt’s room to play ‘Halo’! The fucking diva’s loose, dude!”

He should have known better.

If he’d thought for even half a second he would have realised that Finn couldn’t even _spell_ euphemism, and probably wouldn’t recognise one if it came up, dropped to its knees, and offered to give him an ‘oil change’.

So Finn had _not_ been talking about Kurt homo-ing out or getting his sparkly little gay on down in his room.

But Puck didn’t realise that the badly hidden look of terror that Finn had shot toward the stairs that led down to Kurt’s basement and his mutter of _“God, play time for the diva tonight. I forgot”_ as he rushed Puck upstairs to his room weren’t just his friend spazzing out like a ‘phobe and so when he’d gone down a while later to forage for snacks he’d let his curiosity get the better of him and wandered down to Kurt’s room.

Only to be greeted by the incredibly confusing sight of Kurt Hummel: twinkly fairy extraordinaire – the boy who started hyperventilating if his nail polish didn’t match his fucking shoes to the exact shade – half naked with a huge… No. Make that an _OMFG! HUGE!!_ fucking snake draped around him!

What the everloving fuck?!

Kurt’s seated on a black leather couch; prissy, exacting posture nowhere to be seen for once as he sprawled out with one doc-marten-booted leg slung up.

But other than the boots and the sinfully tight, hip-riding jeans he had on, Kurt isn’t wearing anything else. Just him and his pale skin laying there, showing off a smooth chest and surprisingly well-formed abs and little pink nipples that Puck’s paying too much attention to for his own comfort.

Oh, and let’s not forget the accessory of _A HUGE FUCKING SNAKE!!_ It’s a bright, burnt-orange with black curving lines across its scales and it’s curled around Kurt’s neck and arms like an exotic piece of jewellery carved from temptingly addictive poison.

Puck just stands there, stopped in his tracks with his mouth open like he’d been pole-axed, but he must have made some sort of noise (he will fight the whole freaking _world_ before he admits he might have been a moan) because Kurt’s head jerks up and he meets Puck’s eyes. _Kurt’s_ eyes widen and a look of horror crosses his face as he asks in a high voice “ _Puck?!_ What the hell are you doing in my room?”

And Puck has an explanation for that – he totally does. One that sounds more like ‘oh, I just happened to be passing’ and less like ‘oh, I just happen to have been slightly obsessed for weeks with you and the idea of you touching yourself in a gay way down here, which is what I thought Finn was talking about’

Instead what comes out of his mouth is “Whu..? Snake? And… you’re naked”

Kurt blushes and hisses “I’m _not_ naked, you ass! I have pants on!”

Puck wants to say ‘Just barely’ at that because, really – he can see a good couple of inches of hip above the waist band of Kurt’s jeans as well as the curve of that stomach muscle that cuts down into the crotch, whatever it’s called. And speaking of crotches, the pants are also so tight that Puck can tell for certain that Kurt dresses left, which he’s rather horrified to realise _he had already known_. He’s **got** to start keeping his eyes fixed on his locker when they’re changing after football.

But he doesn’t say that, or ask if Kurt actually sewed himself into the jeans (because Puck can’t see how he got them on otherwise, unless some sort of lubricant was involved – and Puck really wished he hadn’t thought that because now he’s wondering what Kurt would look like if he was topless, draped in a snake, and shiny with oil)

What Puck does say is “But you’ve got no shirt on, Hummel. And, can I say again – snake? What the hell are **you** doing with a snake?” And something else odd strikes him and he adds “And why aren’t you chucking me out of your room?”

Because he’d expect Kurt to have jumped up the second he saw him and be shrieking and flailing at him – maybe trying to push Puck back toward the stairs and force him out of the room (and failing, of course. ‘Cos Puckzilla didn’t go till **he** was ready). But Kurt hasn’t gotten up, has barely even straightened up from his slouch back against the couch arm, and seemed to be forcing himself to stay calm and still. The anger shows up in his eyes though, and even though he keeps his voice low and level when he answers Puck can tell he’s spitting mad. “What am **_I_** doing with a snake? What, I should have a bunny rabbit or a Chihuahua or something just because I’m gay? I’ll have you know I’ve had Diva since I was 9, you stereotyping pig!” then he sniffs and adds “And I’m not chucking you out because she doesn’t like sudden movements, luckily for you” He gives Puck the evil eye.

The snake seems to be eyeing him as well, as Puck gradually inches his way nearer to get a closer look, and he could swear those bright eyes look intelligent and interested. It was a fucking lovely snake; big but still pretty elegant – the body wrapped around Kurt in loops and coils was long but not overly bulky, mostly only as thick as Puck’s wrist and tapering to a slim, neat head that’s now lifting up from around Kurt’s collar bone and swaying upward towards Puck, forked tongue flickering out at him.

“She’s scenting you. It’s partly how she sees – and I imagine with you it must be like seeing the word ‘Axe’ in 10 foot high letters; do you bath in the stuff?”

Puck looks up, startled at Kurt’s voice breaking into his fascinating watching of the snake, and finds the other boy watching him with amusement. His words were mildly insulting but Puck can tell they were meant as a tease rather than abuse.

Puck grins at him, happy all of sudden, and raises an eyebrow “You been _scenting_ me as well, then?” and then, when Kurt goes a bit pink and starts spluttering he adds quickly “She’s pretty fucking badass, Hummel – could I hold her?”

Kurt eyes him doubtfully, like Puck might be planning to run away with his pet if he got hold of her, but eventually he nods, swings his leg down to the floor and sits up very slowly and carefully, his stomach muscles tightening in a way Puck finds it difficult to keep his eyes off. “Well, ok. **If** you do exactly as I say – I don’t want her frightened or upset.”

Then he smirks and raises his own eyebrow at Puck “And, you’ll have to take your shirt off. She can absorb body heat better from skin and that helps keep her nice and happy”

Ah-ha! “Hence you being naked” Puck points out helpfully, hoping to get another blush, but Kurt just purses his lips and shoots Puck a glance that says he’s been noticing this harping on at his unclothed state and is beginning to get suspicious as to why. Puck’s pulse speeds up a little and he feels a bit flustered himself so he covers it quickly by grabbing the bottom of his shirt and pulling it off straight over his head without unbuttoning it.

 _That_ gets him those flushed cheeks again, along with a sharply cleared throat and a hurriedly averted glance that wasn’t quick enough for Puck not to notice that – ha! Kurt had _totally_ been checking him out! He feels a glow of triumph – and then a confused feeling because he isn’t meant to be so delighted about that, is he?

Before he can think about that much more Kurt’s saying “Here, this will work easier if we’re both standing” and getting up smoothly from his seated position. He’s near to Puck once he’s upright and Puck is now very, very aware that they’re both semi-naked and that if they got any closer they could probably count it as second base.

Kurt seems to be aware of it too because he’s still redder than usual and he wasn’t meeting Puck’s eyes as he starts explaining what Puck needed to do. “We’ll have to unwind Diva from me and drape her over you. If we start from the tail that’s best and we’ve got to make sure she’s supported at all times because if she feels her perch is insecure her instinct is to tighten her coils and squeeze”

He matches his movements to his words as he spoke, unwinding and winding the first few coils from his own left arm onto Puck’s right one. Kurt’s fingers brush over Puck’s skin alongside the Diva’s body; warm and soft and a little sweaty in contrast to the snake’s cool, dry, slightly scratchy scales. Mainly to distract himself from the fact he’s liking both sensations a bit too much Puck asks quietly “So… she’s not, like, poisonous or anything?”

Kurt answers just as softly “No. She’s a constrictor. Non-venomous. She’s a rainbow boa”

“ _Rainbow_ boa?”

Puck lets himself grin at that, and Kurt narrows his eyes and says more sharply “ _Yes_ ” and then a fleeting look of embarrassment crosses his face and he mutters “As I said, I’ve had her since I was 9. I saw a picture of Michael Jackson with a boa and – well, I was a bit obsessed with him in 3rd grade”

“Pity you never got to meet him. You’d have been just his type at that age”

Puck makes the quip automatically and then wonders if he should have, but although Kurt says “That’s a horrible thing to joke about!” reprovingly Puck can see him biting his lip to try to keep from laughing so he’s going to count that as a win. Even though that’s called his attention to Kurt’s mouth and now all he can see is how biting it has made Kurt’s bottom lip plump up, all red and a little wet and his mouth’s a bit open and Puck can see that he’s got the very tip of his tongue caught between his teeth and that just makes him want to lean forward and…

And then Kurt says “Whoa!” at the same time as Puck feels himself being dragged forward by a strong, squeezing pull on his arm and shoulder, only jerking to a stop when he knocks into Kurt.

Now they’re pressed closely chest to chest and Puck can feel Kurt’s breathing speed up as he hisses _“Shit!”_ and tenses up the muscles in his shoulders and arms in an attempt to pull away but there’s another rippling of Diva’s body and they both get pulled in a couple more centimetres. Their faces are very close together now – close enough that Puck can see the little flecks of grey and bright, bright blue that make up Kurt’s eyes and he realises with a shock that they weren’t that far off in height. Just enough for him to have to dip his head a bit to look into Kurt’s eyes like this and apparently, he finds out when he starts to shift to his left but then freezes, just enough so that the dip of Puck’s nipple ring will catch on Kurt’s nipple and pull on each in what – judging from the twin gasps – is an interesting way for both of them.

Shit. Puck’s chest to naked chest and close enough to lip lock with Kurt freakin’ Hummel, McKinley’s very own homo-explosion, and Puck’s body is reacting to the close contact of another body in its usual way. Oh, and they have a snake wrapped round both of them and the glide and slither of Diva’s scales over his skin is another layer of sensation, of enjoyable friction. This is… This is not…

Well, shit. Puck wants to say ‘this is not good’ but he can’t even finish the sentence in his own _head_ , and so between one breath and the next he just decides, _‘fuck it’_ – he’ll admit it. He likes being close to Kurt and he wouldn’t object in any way if this situation carried on.

It looks like Kurt’s gonna go for the ‘if we deny the smouldering sexual tension is there then maybe it’ll go away’ approach though because after that one little gasp and a couple of moments of him standing frozen too he cuts his eyes away, clears his throat in a way that was as fake as a Playboy bunnies tits and says in a voice that was just a bit too high “I’m afraid we’re stuck here till she decides to loosen up or Carole comes back from the store, because Finn’s a real pussy around Diva and even if we shout there’s no way he’ll come within 15 feet of her”

“Well, then. Looks like we’re stuck”

Puck tries to get his voice as low as he can, so that Kurt will feel the rumble of it in his chest. He also makes sure he sounds amused and completely unbothered, which obviously comes through because Kurt looks back to meet his eyes, his own wide and surprised. Puck watches as Kurt’s gaze flicks down to his lips and then, making sure that Kurt’s still watching, he lets his lips curve up into the slowest, dirtiest smile he can manage.

Which, being as he’s Puck, is pretty fucking dirty.

He waits till Kurt’s looking at his mouth with rather glazed eyes and then licks his lips slowly, carefully brings his non-Diva wrapped arm up to slide his hand round to cup the back of Kurt’s neck and leans in to add in his ear in a whisper “What do you think we should do in the meantime?”

Kurt sucks in air with a kind of squeaky noise, and maybe he actually intended to put forward an idea for what they should do but Puck doesn’t give him the chance; quickly pulling back just enough to so that he can slide his mouth along Kurt’s jawline and up to meet his lips, press his own to them, lick along them with his tongue and swoop in to ravage Kurt’s mouth when he opens it to let him in.

Kurt tastes a little bit like honey, and a little bit like coffee, and Puck can totally see himself getting addicted to this particular taste sensation, as well as to how soft Kurt’s lips feel against his and to the tiny breathy moans that Kurt’s making, and how Kurt may be a bit uncertain and unpractised when they start, but sweet holy Yahweh, either the boy learns _real_ fast or he’s a natural fucking genius at kissing because the things he’s doing with his tongue have got Puck groaning out loud.

Kurt doesn’t groan but he does give a little low whining in his throat when Puck pulls his mouth away and rests their foreheads together so they can breathe, and for a second Puck thinks that Kurt has actually _hissed_ at him as well – but then he looks to the side and goes still as he sees that the snake, Diva, is holding her swaying head up again and is watching them with what Puck would swear was engrossed interest.

He says out of the side of his mouth “Kurt? Your snake’s watching us make out”

Kurt says “Hmmm?” dreamily, and then “Oh!” and then he says with triumph “Ah, she’s relaxed! Stay still” and, before Puck can stop him, Kurt is wriggling around, unwinding one last straggler from the coils Puck hadn’t even noticed Diva loosening from round his arm and sliding away to slip the snake into a glass case that Puck can now see makes up most of one long wall. Kurt pets her head and croons “There you are, my beautiful Diva baby, back home” before he closes the top of the case shut and turns back to face Puck.

And he looks uncertain now, like the couple of minutes away from Puck’s side let second thoughts slither into his mind. Like he’s just remembering that he’s Kurt ‘fabulous’ Hummel and Puck’s – well, _Puck_ , and that it is **not** the natural order of things for them to be anywhere near each other unless violence is involved.

Puck can tell that any second now Kurt’s going to open his mouth and suggest that this was a bad idea and that Puck should leave and, frankly, _FUCK_ that noise because Puck’s already done the identity crisis thing about fifteen minutes ago and found it was boring and it got in the way of making out.

So before Kurt can draw in air to say something stupid, Puck takes three fast, long strides and grabs Kurt around the waist and pushes him back against the wall.

He doesn’t have to move as slow or careful now that they don’t have a temperamental serpent roping them together, so Puck can kiss Kurt as fiercely as he wants to and run his hands over the other boy’s skin and tweak those pert little nipples that had caught his attention earlier. He can do that and he can growl in Kurt’s ear “I still want this, baby” before bending his head to bite and suck a mark onto Kurt’s long, white neck.

He can do that, and listen to Kurt gasp and make louder moaning noises, and he can snake an arm around Kurt’s waist to pull their hips together and grind down till Kurt gives in and hooks a leg up to wrap round Puck’s thigh and give them both a better angle.

Puck can do all that, and he does. With great relish. And, because he’s Puck, he can also get the last word as he whispers in Kurt’s ear again.

“And in case you’re in any doubt at all, Kurt? Yes, that **is** a type of snake in my pocket and it’s **very** pleased to see you…”

  


 


End file.
